Dating advice is often given by the most
well-meaning of people. Unfortunately they are often the least
qualified people to give it. How many times have mothers mentioned
that there are "plenty more fish in the sea" when we announce
our partner has finished the relationship. Most advice we receive
is well meaning but also unhelpful. This is primarily because
when we need advice the most if is usually from the wrong sources.
When we need to talk, our friends just want us to get "better",
be more positive etc.
The best dating advice often seems to
come from people who have been in the same situations as ourselves
and have gained some comforting wisdom that we can equate to.
The more we understand and agree with what is being said, the
more common and shared the experience the more it is something
we will choose to take in. The problem when seeing dating advice
is that there are not too many places to turn. Sure there is Relate
for marriage counseling and there are professional agencies and
"experts" to help those of us who are getting divorced, but there
is almost nothing to help us when we do what everyone does - date.
I personally feel that the best dating
advice available to us is from single people, those of us who
are at the sharp end of the dating equation. When you are trying
to find someone to take to dinner, or accompany you to a function,
when you have weekend after weekend to fill and yearn to spend
time in stimulating company then it is to single people that you
must look for inspiration.
Strangely we seek out those who are in
couples for support in times of crisis, perhaps because they have
"made it", they are where we want to be, so we trust their judgment.
But what brought them together is not necessarily of help to you.
And believe me, people in relationships soon forget what it was
like to be single. I have heard some of the most useless dating
advice of all from couples so I recommend that if you are currently
single and playing the dating game, compare notes with like minded
people. Couples will drive you crazy and remind you too often
how smugly nice it is to be happy.
When dating, the thing we should always
remember is that advice is simply what someone else thinks might
assist you. The person giving this advice may not necessarily
have any idea of your true state of mind of your particular circumstances.
How can someone know what you should say or what you should so,
or where you should meet apart from the usual practical ideas.
But then there is an equally and opposite forceful argument.
Your friends who are not dating are often
able to see things from distance that you sometimes cannot.
One good example of this was when I was in a two year relationship
with a particularly nasty person and I was continually advised
to run away as fast as I could. I was being used and abused and
chose not to see it. I ignored the advice that may have saved
me. Friends may be single and not currently dating. They may have
just been through the dating treadmill and are full of good ideas.
Therefore whilst we can discount the happy couple's advice, don't
cut off the advice of friends fully.
Trust your own instincts and trust your
judgment. Once you are in a relationship you will need all
the judgment skills you can muster anyway. Personally though,
I get tired of people working out set formulas about how we date.
I get tired of lifestyle gurus who often have no idea what they
are talking about. To some, dishing out the same old dating advice
and garbage is a way of making a living. The fact is, if you are
out there calling people, meeting for lunch dates or evening dinners.
If you are making calls and waiting for your phone to ring, if
you are having plenty of ups and downs then you are as much a
dating expert as anyone and have as much right to your views on
the dating scene as anyone. That is why I like to hear about single
people's experiences.
Dating advice is not a fixed theorem
with a fixed set of answers. Dating advice is varied, unique and
individual and comes from the heart. This site is owned and written
by me, as a single person who has been on hundreds of dates and
has had some really lovely relationships. Dating advice is simply
my way of sharing my dating experiences and views on the world
with you guys.